Our family is not large. There are Just the 4 of us, my brother Dan, Rhonda and Alexis and Megan and Matt in Kansas City. Fortunately we have a wonderful extended family of friends here and around the country. I’m reminded of the saying “make new friends but keep the old, One is silver and the other gold.” We have a group of family friends that we met when our oldest children ( now going on 50) were starting preschool. We have all been through so much together. They are our chosen family. The women are among a group of 12 including Dot and I who played Bunko together for over 40 years until we took a break during Covid.
Life has kicked me in the rear recently. As most of you know or will find out if you read this blog. We are a mutigenerational family. Our Son Bryan has been living with ALS for over 15 years, my mother Dot shares a home with us and my husband of 54 years Jim. Jim has had a very difficult couple of years with his health. He is now going through chemotherapy one day a week and Dialysis three times a week.
When Jim started dialysis a few months ago, our long-time friends are the ones who would pick him up from treatment at 10:30 PM three nights a week. When they notice that I am having a down time, a dinner often appears at our door. This is love. It means so much for us to receive and for them to give.
When you are faced with tough times and a friend says” What can I do?” Don’t try to be self-sufficient, let them know what they can do to make life easier for you and the one in your care. Jim loves to have other people to talk with besides me!!
If you are the friend of someone who is ill, and or their caregiver, put it on your calendar to phone them once a week. Don’t say how is (the friend)? Say something like “I was thinking of you and wondered if I can get you any thing or drop a little something by and stay for SHORT visit. Play the conversation by ear. The may want to talk about the illness or they may be grateful to be distracted by something new in your life.
We have dear friends ( Tom and Jim served together in Vietnam) that we see every few years. They now talk on the phone every couple of weeks. I can tell that Jim always feels better after he has talked to one of his old High School Buddies ( who have now reconnected after attending a friends funeral.)
Friendship is a powerful tool. Give it and receive it openly. It is a gift too often taken for granted, something we know is there but we just don’t take time to appreciate. This has become so obvious to me now. I am going to make a list of people that I need to call or write a note to.. Well, it will probably be a digital card. If you don’t hear from me right away….it is a very long list,