We all have our own way of coping with the things life throws at us. The first few months after Bryans diagnosis of ALS,  I could think of nothing else. It consumed my days and nights. Thinking about his future ; our future. At some point I realized that I only had the now. I could keep stressing about the “what will be”  but I needed to embrace the now and make the best of it for our family. I’m the one who sets the tone and I need to be positive.

That’s when I found the box. Its an imaginary box that looks very much like this picture. I mentally put all my fears about the future and this monstrous disease, put them in the box and closed the lid. It is on a shelf in my brain and mostly stays there.

A corner pops up when I tell someone about the horrors patients  (pals) and caregivers (cals) go through with this beast of a disease and when I prepare for the Walk to Defeat ALS fund raiser each year. But I never plan to open it. I know what it holds.

I’m having a more difficult time finding a spot for Jim’s chemo and dialysis phase of our lives. There are only a few more weeks of Chemo. I’m planning on him gaining weight back and getting in a rhythm of dropping him off at treatment and going into my design office and coming home and sharing family dinner. What do you know?  I don’t need a box ! I am looking forward to the future.