Happiness is that feeling that comes over you when you know life is good and you can’t help but smile. … Happiness is a sense of well-being, joy, or contentment. When people are successful, or safe, or lucky, they feel happiness.

A few months ago, I was caught off-guard when a prospective client asked me a question soon after I answered the phone. “Are you always happy or is just because of the  sales business you’re in?” The more I thought about it the more insulted I became. ( I know that was not his intention but it really got to  me.) First of all, I am in a service profession. I do sell things but I have never thought of myself as in a  sales business. I did respond by email. My first line was” I am happy; I choose to be happy.”

If you know much about my life circumstances, you might also question my reasoning.(Cliff Notes)

Reasons not to be happy.

• Our 49 year old son has been living with ALS for over 15 years. He has no use of his hands and arms so we are those for him. He walks with a walker. He eats with our help. His voice is starting slur and we know his health is declining. ALS is always fatal There is no cure or even treatment.
• My 94 year old Mother shares a home with us. Her health is declining.
• My husband, Jim recently started dialysis 3 times a week and is doing chemo 1 day a week.
• I work to help pay for the home aides that help us.

All the responsibilities of home fall on me.

Reasons to be Happy

• Our 49 year old son has been living with ALS for over 15 years! ( most ALS victims only live 2-5 years after diagnosis, if that long) I am honored to be his arms and hands and that he still has so many capabilities that others with this disease lack. He can walk with a walker! He is not yet confined to a wheelchair. It is my pleasure to help him eat a full meal every evening at family dinner. No feeding tube. His voice is starting to slur but he has a wonderful laugh and a  writers sense of humor.( He was a creative writing professor.)
• How fortunate am I to have my best friend, My 94 year old mother right in the next room when I need to share a funny story about my day or watch a girly net flick series or to hang out on the deck and read a book. She shares our  dinner hour every evening  with Jim , Bryan and I. During the Covid shut down I knew she  was safe and happy. That is a true blessing!
• With Jim it is harder to be happy. I am so stressed about his health. We have been married nearly 54 years. He has been my only love. All his life he has been a happy, people-loving family man. He is trying so hard to stay alive with treatments that are taking every ounce of his energy and personality. I need to be his happiness and to find some joy in the day to share with him.

It takes a village is so true. God has filled my village with angels. Almost two years ago, when I knew that Jim could no longer help me with Bryan’s care, Kim at #ALS Association -mid America, told me about Hospice care for ALS patients (PALS). Care givers are CALS. Because it is a fatal disease with no proven treatment, the PAL can go on the program at any time after diagnosis. We chose to sign up and Bryan and I are so happy that we did. An RN Sara comes one a week ( she will come more as needed) to do a check up, access his needs and order meds or equipment at no cost to us. Katie comes twice a week to help him shower. I am not alone in making decisions about his health and this takes such an emotional weight off my shoulders.

Shortly after things started to open up after covid, I knew that I needed to get out of my home office a bit and work downtown more. A friend recommend Shelly and she in turn Franci.  These two angels are in our home from about noon to four 6 days a week. They are licensed caregivers and give love and care to my family when I am not here. There has been a noticeable positive change in Bryan, Dot and Jim since our home is filled with this positive energy. I get to do work I enjoy with people I love to be with and when I come home in the late afternoon, I get to be the mother, daughter and wife that I need to be with a good and happy attitude to take care of their needs  and enjoy them for the evening.

I am not a Pollyanna, I have days that I don’t want to get out of bed….and sometimes when the ladies are here, I do stay in bed. I shed my share of tears usually in my therapists office or with a friend over a glass of wine. Life does go on. As I write this, our garage lift stopped working. The refrigerator  seems to be on the blink and our grass may have army worms.  This may be the time to call all those people who say “let me know if I can do anything! ”